Ice Breakers sugar-free Restore Pomegranate Lemon-aid Gum

Ice Breakers sugar-free Restore Pomegranate Lemon-aid Gum with vitamin C and zinc.

On one hand there's a Pomegranate, on the other a lemon. And there in the middle is a very happy Simon in the Land of Chalk Drawings reject from Simon's later introverted period. I guess the thinking here is to be able to have pomegranates on the go, in your mouth, during the day. Plus, there's really nothing like scraping pomegranate off the bottom of your shoe.

What I don't get is that there are two flavors here, Pomegranate and Lemon and then it reads it contains Natural and Artificial flavor...I wonder which is which.

Restore...something!

(Thanks to Nukezone3 for the picture!)

Mike's Pomegranate Martini with Acai Berries

Okay, buckle up because I think this is the full moniker of this product:

Mike's Premium Malt Cocktails Pomegranate Martini with Acai Berries.

You're somebody (in your circle of friends), You enjoy the finer things in life (like your Dodge Stratus, lack of socks and deep desire to have a pet alligator on a leash) so you know what you want to be seen with, smell like and inside you. Enter the Pomegranate Martini in a pop-top bottle four-pack.

They're small, presumably tasty and most important of all, if you look real close at my horrible photograph you can see it reads: "Alcohol Included Ready To Drink". Thank the Makers. I HATE having to buy flavored water in one part of the store and then take my shopping cart all the way to the other side of the store to buy GenericBrand™ 100 % Pure Alcohol just to mix them together when I get home to make booze to get blotto on. That's like chemistry and that's like no fun unless something get's blow'd up.

I wasn't even sure what category to put this under, Booze? Ghetto Wine? Martini? Heck, this isn't a martini because I didn't make one Bond joke, other than the one you'll need to get out of the pokey after swilling this "malt cocktail" and tripping the night fantastic. I mean once a lady sees you choking one of these down she'll have no choice but to drippily ponder your erudite sophistication & charisma +3, right? Right. What does that even mean? I'll show you a malt cocktail, by gum.

Kagome 100% Juice Ruby Pomegranate Harmony

This pic was a little hard to make out, so I turned to the Great Gazoogle for a better image. Unfortunately, all of the results are an anime character in a school girl outfit. Those wild and wacky Japanese! So we're stuck with this image, sans half-naked Japanese chick. If you squint, you can see that this specimen is not merely a fruit juice beverage, oh no! It is half fruit, half veggie juice. This is nothing short of a watershed moment for me. All the juices out there that claim to be 100% juice, but have "filler" juices in them.....gak! What if the juices are not fruit or vegetable juices?!? "Natural Feelings 100% Juice Pomegranate Breeze"...made with 15% pomegranate juice and 85% hamster juice. Refreshing.

Hansen's Natural Pomegranate Green Tea

So I took umbrage at Yogi Tea tossing pomegranate in their tea, but really, do we expect better from these folks? Hansen's is the company that makes Junior Juice. Fercrissakes, Clifford the Red Dog is the best character they could license for the label of that one.
But I digress.
So the product at hand is Hansen's Natural Pomegranate Green Tea. Close inspection of the label reveals that there are 75 mg of EGCG. I have no idea what that is, but I assume it contains EC and some CG. And there's 75 mg of it.

Yogi Tea Green Tea Pomegranate

Why, Yogi Tea? Why must you jump on the bandwagon of tea makers who abuse the noble green tea? Nearly everything that can be plucked from a bush, vine or tree has assaulted our nation's cups of green tea in recent years, and I for one am not going to take it any more. This latest insult (in pomegranate form, no less) has sounded the klaxon warning to all who truly care about a cup of pure, unsullied hot water with leaf dust.

R.W. Knudsen Simply Nutritious Vita Pomegranate

Another winner from the R.W. Knudsen family of flavored juice blends from concentrate. Tell me, can you resist the allure of a juice-like beverage called "vita pomegranate"? Forget that it has the fruit du jour in it, tell me what product is not made 2474783% more scrumptious by adding "vita" to its name? Go on, tell me. You can't!

Krystal Pomegranate Freeze

I can't think of any three things that go together better than Krystal's, a cup full of frozen pomegranate jizz, and free wi-fi.

Pure Blends Mountain Sun Pomegranate & Black Cherry

Help me out here: can anyone tell if these are the same product or not? 'Cause it looks like the same stuff squeezed into the same bottles by the same company, but no one paid any damn attention to the freakin' labels. Is it "New!" or not? Does it have "Antioxidant Power*" with that little asterisk indicating that it is really true! but not really! Those are the only two differences I can see in the two bottles, and Ye Olde Grocery Store (YOGS) didn't differentiate between them on the shelf. So how to choose, how to choose? "New!" or "Antioxidant Power*"? Too...much...pressure....

R.W. Knudsen Family Organic Pomegranate Nectar

Hi boys and girls! Let's play follow the bouncing weasel-word ball!
Flavored! Juice Blend! from Concentrate! Translation: a fake of a stale fake.
Oh, but wait! It's organic! and 100% juice! and no sugar added! That means this is the highest quality batch of lameness available this side of the Balkans. Pet peeve: products that are "100% juice" but are blended with stuff other than the advertised stuff. Like cranberry juice that's 100% juice that has a dribble of cranberry with juice from crappier fruits like apples and pears. Get offa my lawn, while you're at it.

Frützzo Organic 100% Juice

Okay keep up, these guys whose drink is on closeout sale, make:

Frützzo Organic 100% Juice Pomegranate raspberry
Frützzo Organic 100% Juice Pomegranate blueberry
Frützzo Organic 100% Juice Pomegranate passion fruit

The have the second billed fruit in lower case, not me. Look here for a high res shot of their bottles.

These guys decided to take the shotgun approach to product design, which is something like, "lets mix it with everything short of used motor oil and see what sticks." Plus the U in Frützzo has a umlaut above it so you know it's foreign which makes it and you 13370rz and wordly. Like syphilis only not as bad for you. Plus their "O" is a round fruit which makes them whimsical and approachable and nothing at all like a mega-conglomerate juice company which probably wins awards for the bottle design, makes oodles of money a year and is stationed in the middle of nowhere.

Old Orchard Premium 100% Pure Pomegranate

If Old Orchard were a government they'd be the ones to allow the aliens to take over the planet and implant mind-control bugs into our brains because they think we can't think for ourselves let alone Old Orchard having an individual non-committee thought because they're all too busy being good Corporate Citizens. There is nothing at all here to distinguish themselves from the dozen or so other juice bottles other than this stuff is 100% Pure Premium and not factory seconds I guess. Maybe they also sell Factory Outlet Pomegranate Juice, I dunno. It wouldn't surprise me. I mean, if it's 100% pure, that's premium right?

Old Orchard Premium Pomegranate Blueberry

This is just getting out of control now. For the love of the children stop mixing pomegranates and blueberries. Okay? Old Orchard, which makes me think of rows of rotting bug-infested uncared for plants has decided to really forgo any sort of creative thought whatsoever and after a quick glance at the juice aisles, just do what everyone else is doing. This is like liquid Microsoft. Old Orchard also thankfully informs us this stuff is the Premium stuff...you don't even want to know about the middle of the road stuff. I mean what's the opposite of Premium? Right, crappier.

Ocean Spray 100% Juice Cranberry Pomegranate

Ocean Spray is nothing at all like Ocean Mist. Ocean Spray does not at all remind me of the foul smelling yellow ocean foam with bits of ick in it. This bottle of health is water plus juice plus no sugar added. I can imagine the suits going, "Ya know, pomegranates are the new [insert 6-month long fad food here] but they're just too darned sweet. Lets cut out the sugar 'cause people think that's healthy and mix it with cranberry juice. It'll taste like a drunk monkey with bladder-damaged pee so people will think it's good for them...like an energy drink. Fail = 8.4 on this one.

Lipton White Tea with Blueberry and Pomegranate Flavor

Notice it says "Made with Real Blueberries". Guess there are imaginary pomegranates in there. And the tea bags are pyramid-shaped, too. Hmm. Do you think that the tea bags are trans-dimensional portals that activate when aligned with true North, and the pomegranates appear when the alien overlords are summoned to end the world (but they'll save the Mayans and Egyptians, cause they made those cool pyramid-shaped tombs)? No? Why not? You just don't want to accept it!! Pyramid-hating Fascist!!!

BomDia Acai Berry with Pomegranate

So here we have the acai berry taking top billing over the pomegranate. The acai berry is the new pomegranate, though, so the pomegranate can suffer this newest ignominy without too much indignation.

.....say it with me. BomDia. BomDia BomDia BomDia. It's fun.

Oh, yeah, I forgot: It's Bom-Diggity!

Purely Juice 100% Pomegranate Juice

Unlike that poser fake Purely Juice Pomegranate Blueberry Juice, this is the real deal. None of those impure blueberries, diluting the bloodline of the one and true future fruit, the pomegranate. All Hail the Pomegranate!!!

Zeigler's Pomegranate

Conversation:
Dude 1: Hey, what is this stuff?
Dude 2: Uhh, says 'pomegranate'?
Dude 1: What? It's a bottle, with liquid sloshing around inside. Listen:
Dude 2: So maybe it's pomegranate juice, what's your point?
Dude 1: Point is, it says pomegranate, not pomegranate juice. Pomegranates are round and SOLID, not SLOSHY.
Dude 2: Unless you don't store them properly...
Dude 1: Even worse, it's made by Zeigler's.
Dude 2: I have no idea what you are getting at.
Dude 1: Aren't they the guys who make lunch meat?
Dude 2: I'm pretty sure it's a different company...
Dude 1: Whatever, man, I'm not taking a chance with liquid pomegranate-flavored bologna product. Let's get some Tang.

Purely Juice Pomegranate Blueberry Juice

A company named Purely Juice has a product which is 100% juice. Go figure. This is special because Purely Juice chooses the ever popular Blueberry and Pomegranate juice fest combo. I think the red drop under the Y makes it look like it has a bad paper cut which makes me think that there's blood in the bottle. Secret blood.

Spectrum Organic Omega-3 Pomegranate Chipotle

When I was growing up Spectrum made tiny computers. I guess that didn't work out as planned so they've logically switched to salad dressing. Chipotle peppers plus Pomegranates, yes...win.

OrganicVille Pomegranate Organic Vinaigrette

Finally, thank the gods there is a gluten-free vinaigrette, for salad even. And it's all the more perfectly fadtabulous since it has the organic power of pomegranate within. You'll never eat plain lettuce again.

Vitamin Water XXX Acai Blueberry Pomegranate

Vitamin Water XXX Acai Blueberry Pomegranate.

Vitamin Water has used the XXXtremely popular tried and true combination of Blueberry and Pomegranate, only this time they've added the other Pomegranate, Acai to the mix so people see two new and little understood so-they-must-be-good-for-you things anchored by something familiar.

Still, whenever I see XXX I think Linda Lovelace and Harry Reems chuggin' this stuff. Gah.

Jones 24c - Berry Pomegranate

Jones can't leave Canadaland alone. Up there, they've decided to introduce 24c water with Pomegranates and get this...berries. What kind? I dunno. Does it matter? A good friend of mine sent me this shot from the great white northland. I'm surprised it's not frozen.

When Jones introduces this drink here they'd better call it Jones 75.2f Berry Pomegranate or there will be hell to pay.

On The House brand Grenadine

Ok, I know that Grenadine is mostly nearly alwaysy made from Pomegranates. But, still...it counts, right? Right? Plus it says On The House on the label, I dunno why they tried to stop me walking out of the grocery store with it. They did that last time when I grabbed some Pepsi Free. Morons.

Sparky Brand Super Jucies

Full Name: Sparky Brand Super Juices with Omega3 (isn't that a fatty acid?) Pomegranate & Apple.

I'm not even sure what this stuff is. It could be pre-digested fish protein with pomegranate juice for all I know. Hmm...maybe I should trademark that.

7up Pomegranate

I don't think this even has a real name. It's Pomegranate 7up I guess. Remember when that bald guy used to creep you out as a kid and go, "Never had it, never will!" well now it does, but for a limited time only. Yeah it's the un-cola, sure, but pretty pro-bandwagon. At least it's "100% Natural Flavors" like...like...my cat's dandruff, that's a 100% natural flavor as well. It's also caffeine-free like my cat's dandruff so what I'm saying is, is this stuff is a lot like un-powdered cat dandruff.

Life Water Pomegranate Cherry

Full Name: Life Water Vitamin Enhanced Water Beverage Pomegranate Cherry (with other natural flavors).

This stuff is popular with a capital pop-culture. What I don't get is the whole "water beverage" angle. Are there beverages without any water in them? I mean besides taking swigs of your dad's (or husbands, I'm look at you Kitty D.) hair tonic.

I had a difficult time deciding on the category for this one, I thought about adding "enhanced water" as a label but really, isn't that just water that's polluted with stuff you think you need or at least, don't mind?

Izzy Sparkling Pomegranate Water

Full Name: Izzy Sparkling Pomegranate.

I think the sparkling is just another way to sell pomegranate flavored water, much like champagne is another way to sell stale grape juice. I know it reads water and juice on the bottle but when they're combined and sparkle...that's sody pop in my book.

R. W. Knudsen Just Pomegranate

I don't know a gall blasted thing about R. W. Knudsen but their product is creatively entitled Just Pomegranate and apparently, it's just pomegranate juice in a big glass jug. Which, if you think about it is the exact same product other companies are selling, only in different containers which is nothing like the myriad and important differences between bottled water companies.

Arizona Green Tea Pomegranate Energy Drink

A lot of good things come from Arizona: Raising Arizona, Heat, Giant Bugs, Huge Holes in the Ground and while it may have been the last of the contiguous states admitted to the Union, it was one of the first to sprout a huge and internationally popular pomegranate crop and first to smash 'em up and mix 'em in with green tea. Actually that's a lie, pomegranates don't grow in Arizona, the grow just about every place on earth that's not America, like the East Indies and California.

Bartles & Jaymes

I grew up watching these two guys on TV, talking to the camera, talking to one another, talking to cardboard cutouts of themselves way way way back when the trend was exotic and strange fruits from far off lands like apples, or kiwi and other fruits no one had heard of.

Now they've unearthed the unbeatable combination of pomegranates and raspberries and they're still thanking you for your support of the Trendmaster Bandwagon Extreme Pro.

¡Hola Fruita!

Pomegranates are just as good frozen as they are room temperature. And what best to freeze them with but the classic combo of pomegranates and blueberries. Actually, it's so common that maybe I should have a code name for it like P&B or something. After seeing them frozen I'm sure that next we're going to see them boiled or steamed or maybe fried and breaded maybe. Pomegranate au gratin...I can see that happening. Anyway, Pomegranates on a stick, what's not to love?

Las granadas son tan buenas justo congeladas como son temperatura ambiente. Y con qué la mejor para congelar lo pero el combo clásico de granadas y de arándanos. Realmente, es tan común que quizá debo tener un nombre del código para él tengo gusto de P. Después de verlos congelados soy seguro que vamos después a ver que hirvieron o que cocieron al vapor o quizá que frieron y que empanaron quizá. Gratén del au de la granada... puedo ver eso el suceder. ¿De todas formas, las granadas en un palillo, cuáles no deben .

(better (ie..less funny) translation pending...)

Just Squeezed 100% Cherry Pomegranate Juice

Just Squeezed knows that some people aren't content with the evil-fighting power of pomegranates so they've allied them with cherries for a flanking attack on moribund joy. Keep it refrigerated, otherwise it may just become too powerful and beyond our control.

Just Squeezed 100% Pomegranate Juice

Just juice. It's 100% pomegranate juice, a product from this company that didn't exist before this whole pomegranate hivethink™. And it contains "natural antioxidant" which while more expensive is better than "synthetic antioxidant" that shady folks try to sell you on dimly lit street corners.

Is it just me or are more product coming out with poo-themed names? Nature's Path, Just Squeezed...gah.

Nature's Path Organic Cereal

When I read Nature's Path I think the all important path from my mouth to my no no land. And what better way to keep the roads clear of traffic jams than with dehydrated pomegranates? Plus it's organic which means it's good for you unlike all that non-organic produce on the other side of the grocery store. In case you need to find this on the shelf it's in the hippy-section under the name "Nature's Path Organic Pomegran Plus Granola With Cherries".

How can one company have not only the blandest product name ever but not even use the whole name of our sacred pomegranate? I mean Pomegrain would be a better name...hey, don't steal that. And, obviously, pomegranates also go well with milk.

Bodycology Shampoo & Body Wash

Again, for all the doubters among you here's definitive proof that pomegranates are good inside and outside the body. They're so sure of this fact that they named their company Bodycology which means that they've studied marketing almost as long as everyone else. Not only that, but they're not just using pomegranates like all the other bandwagon products, no no, they're using JUICY pomegranates which is why and how they moisturize ya.

Minute Maid Enhanced Juice

Yet another fine healthful pomegranate product from the fine folks of Minute Maid. Actually this is their third and this time it's daring enough to be just what it is, a 100% fruit juice blend that's ENHANCED. That means it's more betterer. Plus it has some pomegranates in there somewhere along with blueberry, apple, raspberry and cherries.

Kroger Active Lifestyles Smoothie

I have an active lifestyle and I want it to be as smooth as possible which is why I choose to boost my immune system with less sugar with grocery store off-brand yogurt smoothies incorporating the power of pomegranates.

Krogers knows pomegranates which is why they've decided to pair them with cherries, strawberries, peaches and cranberries.

VO5 Shampoo and Conditioner - Herbal Escapes Pomegranate & Grapeseed

Can you think of anything you'd rather massage into your scalp than pomegranates? I sure can't. It'll complement the Softsoap body wash nicely.

Dasani Plus Pomegranate Blackberry Water Beverage

....Plus what, exactly? Why, pomegranate-y goodness, obviously. I guess. I mean, I'm trying here, I really am. Honestly, what does the modifier "plus" mean in the context of bottled water? I'm drinking Coffee Plus - because there's creamer in it. See? I can write product copy too. Dasani branding executives, thy name is LAZY.

Aquafina Nutrient Enhanced Berry Pomegranate Water

Here's water. Well it's enhanced water which means it's better than water, this time because there is pomegranate juice in it. Pomegranates plus really good-for-you-stuff like "berries" and "other natural flavors".

Softsoap Pomegranate & Mango

One of the most amazing things about the miracle fruit that is Pomegranate is that it's not only good in you, it's just as good on you. So Softsoap hooked up Pomegranate with Mango in real life and wants to you smear it all over yourself in private.

Smirnoff Ice Pomegranate Fusion

Pomegranate and Booze fusion which is a lot more togethery than merely infused. I'm sure this stuff is flying off the shelves even as I type this. Remember a fusion is nothing like an infusion...nope, it's not.

Archer Farms Cherry Pomegranate Yogurt

Not content to sit on it's laurels Archer Farms rocks the Pomegranate world with the innovative and daring combination of Pomegranates and Cherries...in yogurt.

Archer Farms Blueberry Pomegranate Yogurt

Archer Farms decides to put the tried and true classic Blueberry and Pomegranate combination together in some yogurt. It's our third time seeing Blueberry and Pomegranate together after Tropicana Juice and Jones Soda.

Tropicana Pomegranate Blueberry Pure Juice

Tropicana gets in on the action with some Blueberry and Pomegranate juice. It's like Jones Blueberry and Pomegranate soda only without the carbonation. Everyone knows Blueberries and Pomegranates go well together it seems.

Archer Farms Pomegranate & Apricot Dipping Sauce

Archer Farms is the name brand for Target stuff. Here they've noticed that pomegranates also go well with spices and apricots. Look, it's on sale too!

Minute Maid Pomegranate Tea & Pomegranate Lemonade

Pomegranates go well with...everything. I'm not positive but I have half a mind to believe that once you get yourself around these beverages from Minute Maid that you would be hard pressed to tell a difference. I think they just put different labels on the same stuff. Note that one is Lemonade while the other is a "tea beverage". It's even the same artwork on each label for the pomegranate just mirrored.

Rockstar Pomegranate Juice

I'm sure the quality of this photo is much like the flavor of this energy drink from Rockstar.

Dekuyper Pomegranate Liqueur

More liqueur. It was great actually, because I didn't buy it.

Pama Pomegranate Liqueur

Frightening. I suppose it would be like sweet-n-sour shellac. At least I hope so.