Fruit2O Immunity Nutrient Enhanced Water Beverage Berry Pomegranate

Little did the Earth's population know that a few sips from a Fruit2O's trend-huggin' water beverage product would have saved humankind. Due to a unique combination of water, nutrients, enhancers and pomegranate juice it has the unprecedented power to imbue upon it's imbiber complete immunity to all but the most potent combination of advertising, market trending and disposable income.

It's not just enhanced, it's nutrient enhanced.
It's not just water, it's a beverage.
It's not just berry, it's berry pomegranate.

Infinite Health Water Blueberry Pomegranate

Infinite Health. It's like a plastic grail. One bottle is all you need ever. Ever! Drink this once and be healthy for the rest of all time (assuming death is unhealthy for a person). Immortality in a bottle. I'd have bought this were it called Immortality Health Water Blueberry Pomegranate. Twice.

Vitamin Water XXX Acai Blueberry Pomegranate

Vitamin Water XXX Acai Blueberry Pomegranate.

Vitamin Water has used the XXXtremely popular tried and true combination of Blueberry and Pomegranate, only this time they've added the other Pomegranate, Acai to the mix so people see two new and little understood so-they-must-be-good-for-you things anchored by something familiar.

Still, whenever I see XXX I think Linda Lovelace and Harry Reems chuggin' this stuff. Gah.

Jones 24c - Berry Pomegranate

Jones can't leave Canadaland alone. Up there, they've decided to introduce 24c water with Pomegranates and get this...berries. What kind? I dunno. Does it matter? A good friend of mine sent me this shot from the great white northland. I'm surprised it's not frozen.

When Jones introduces this drink here they'd better call it Jones 75.2f Berry Pomegranate or there will be hell to pay.

Life Water Pomegranate Cherry

Full Name: Life Water Vitamin Enhanced Water Beverage Pomegranate Cherry (with other natural flavors).

This stuff is popular with a capital pop-culture. What I don't get is the whole "water beverage" angle. Are there beverages without any water in them? I mean besides taking swigs of your dad's (or husbands, I'm look at you Kitty D.) hair tonic.

I had a difficult time deciding on the category for this one, I thought about adding "enhanced water" as a label but really, isn't that just water that's polluted with stuff you think you need or at least, don't mind?

Dasani Plus Pomegranate Blackberry Water Beverage

....Plus what, exactly? Why, pomegranate-y goodness, obviously. I guess. I mean, I'm trying here, I really am. Honestly, what does the modifier "plus" mean in the context of bottled water? I'm drinking Coffee Plus - because there's creamer in it. See? I can write product copy too. Dasani branding executives, thy name is LAZY.

Aquafina Nutrient Enhanced Berry Pomegranate Water

Here's water. Well it's enhanced water which means it's better than water, this time because there is pomegranate juice in it. Pomegranates plus really good-for-you-stuff like "berries" and "other natural flavors".