Archer Farms Naturally Flavored Blueberry Pomegranate Italian Soda

Archer Farms, as all hep cats know, is one of the store brands at Target (the other, Market Pantry, is the standard generic stuff -- Archer Farms is for folks who can't or won't go to Whole Foods and hope their friends don't notice the label). Here the Red Rooster of Epicurean Delights presents us with an Italian soda featuring two antioxidant-rich treats (really, the blueberry-pomegranate combo is pretty standard, no points for originality there). Bottoms-up, you Pampered Chef spatula-wielding fiends!

World Market Italy All Natural Pomegranate Soda With Pomegranate Juice

World Market is trying to confuse you.

Get this, the name of their bottled pomegranate product is:

World Market Italy All Natural Pomegranate Soda With Pomegranate Juice

What? Huh? Pomegranate Soda WITH Pomegranate Juice?

I say if they need to print on the label that it's Pomegranate Soda with Pomegranate Juice then that's really not too far from just hanging up a huge sign that reads "Hey you, customer...we think you're none too smart in the thinks department. Give us money." Which is sad, because World Market it actually a pretty spiffy place with clean bathrooms.

Then they paste ITALY on the label in a rectangular box at an angle because the heady muckety-muck at World Market world domination headquarters thinks you'll think it's stamped on there when it was imported and put on the ship. In fact, I believe they would have put the world imported on there instead but just wanted to save ink.

Belvoir Fruit Farms Pomegranate Raspberry Pressé

I've never heard of this company before and I have no idea what a Pressé is. To me -the typical dumb American- it sounds like press so it must be pressed pomegranates and raspberry juice in a fancy-smancy overpriced bottle that's imported.

The label is confusing to me as well. It looks homemade, like something Diane Keaton would make in 1987 and the idea of a paper strip sealing off it's fruity goodness like a "Sanitized For Your Protection" strip just makes me plum nervous. (Yes, it was really tempting to say pomegranate nervous there.)

Still when the label reads 100% Good Pressé you can't go wrong because you can not not trust advertising like that. At the bottom it reads "Gently Bubbling with Pomegranate and Raspberry Juice" which I'm sure you will be after tickling your nose with this non-alcoholic imported hoity-toity froo-froo drinky-winky.

Absurdly large photo of the stuff here.

7up Pomegranate

I don't think this even has a real name. It's Pomegranate 7up I guess. Remember when that bald guy used to creep you out as a kid and go, "Never had it, never will!" well now it does, but for a limited time only. Yeah it's the un-cola, sure, but pretty pro-bandwagon. At least it's "100% Natural Flavors" like...like...my cat's dandruff, that's a 100% natural flavor as well. It's also caffeine-free like my cat's dandruff so what I'm saying is, is this stuff is a lot like un-powdered cat dandruff.

Izzy Sparkling Pomegranate Water

Full Name: Izzy Sparkling Pomegranate.

I think the sparkling is just another way to sell pomegranate flavored water, much like champagne is another way to sell stale grape juice. I know it reads water and juice on the bottle but when they're combined and sparkle...that's sody pop in my book.

Jones Soda Blueberry Pomegranate Pure Cane Soda

I think the word Pomegranate on this can is just for show. It's more like pure high-octane Blueberry soda which isn't good thing.