Arizona Chinese Apple Pomegranate Green Tea with Natural Flavors

Chinese Apples are the perfect compliment to Pomegranates. The funny thing is I actually had some of this the other night and it wasn't horrible. I couldn't tell the difference between Chinese Apple and Pomegranate though, but it was Tea. So I drank it. Why couldn't I tell the difference between the two?

BECAUSE THEY ARE THE SAME THING.

Chinese Apples ARE Pomegranates. The label is only there to confuse you. There is nothing appley about Chinese Apples, it's Arizona (the company) trying to get you to buy this stuff because they're banking on the fact that you'll never bother to look it up on the Google (or cuil.com) and find out that the label is just a marketing lie.

Now, if there were some Asian Pears...

Chi-Chi's Pomegranate Martini

Nothing says sophistication like a Pomegranate Martini from a joint called Chi-Chi's. Maybe having Charo on your arm would say that as well come to think of it or driving a Dodge Aries Series K, hard to tell. Anyways, Chi-chi's sounds just a little too much like Shi-shi which in Portuguese means urinate. Yay. Don't.

Maple Grove Farms Blueberry Pomegranate All Natural Dressing

There aren't too many things I can think of that go well with Pomegranate juice, blueberry juice and thick line-your-intestines-like-you're-Bobcat Goldthwait- in Jumpin' Jack Flash oil. Maple Grove Farms thinks they can, however. Lets grind up some pomegrantes, blueberries and mix them in with spices and peppers and what-have-you with some bulk oil. Yum.

I dunno about you, but after reading all the different things that companies have mixed pomegranates in with, it's obvious...Pomegranates go well with EVERYTHING.

(Thanks to Nukezone for the photo!)

Lipton Tea Blueberry Pomegranate Iced Tea Mix To Go

Here's something that's just screaming Modern Convenience. Pomegranates and Blueberries. No, I'm just joking, it's Dehydrated Tea!

The label tells us that it has caffeine, anti-oxidants and...AND...get this...it keeps you HYDRATED. How? From the water you add to it. Science rules!

If society as a whole is dumb enough to think that somehow buying powdered tea keeps you hydrated I hope Cloverfield was real, recorded 4 years from now and somehow fell through a wormhole back into time to our present.

We don't deserve to think anymore. Oh, and what does the Pomegranate in this product do? It sells more pomegranate products to those who are inclined to follow mass trending. I shudder to think of the day when Pomegranate is an overpriced designer label interior latex paint color. On that day, my soul will scream.

Understand this: Dehydrated Tea is just tea that someone made and left it out too long. Think about it.

(Thanks to Nukezone for the pic!)

Odwalla Pomagrand Pomegranate Juice

I've been from one side of the grocery store to the other, and I've seen a lot of strange pomegranate stuff but I've never seen anything that's led me to believe there is some all-powerful pomegranate product out there.

Odwalla, while a fun thing to keep repeating over and over with a 4 year old until their mom yells at you, is still a product which causes confusion. The name sounds like some camp they'd film Meatballs part III at, but it's the flavors name that really sticks to my ribs. Pomagrand. Yeah it's sounds like Pomegrante, and 'granate' sounds like Grand, and Grand can be good but...stop...on the label is written "Pomegranate Juice" at the top, under that we see "from concentrate. Enhanced with wild berry extract."

Enhanced with untamed free-range berry squishings. Yeah. Nurish the body whole indeed. But we know what this is really just from the label...Katamari Juice. Go on, deny it. You can't.

Now that song is stuck in your head, isn't it!

(Thanks again to Nukezone for the photo!)

Drinkables Pomegranate Mangosteen Noni Acai Liquid Supplement

A. This product has too many names.
B. It's liquid in a box.
C. This tips the CB of the bandwagon and has sent small innocent people flying into the moors.

Look, if you're thinking about buying liquid in a box that's called "Drinkables" that's all well and fine but frankly, it scares me. It says "LAB CERTIFIED" on the box. Did you see that? In my mind I imagine a white box with black lettering which reads "Contents: Food. Type: Edibles" which I'd probably buy anyway just for the box. LAB CERTIFIED!

This stuff has everything tossed into it with nothing original about it. It's the Limbo of the Lost of Pomegranate products. I don't even know what O.R.A.C is but I'm sure it's headquarters of something bad that's out to arch Dr. Venture or Clutch Cargo. And in case you didn't click the image there this box reads: "Plus 8 more fruits & herbals" and "Made with organic concentrates where noted" and if that doesn't worry you nothing will, not even actually playing Limbo of the Lost.

Fly you courageous.

(Thanks to Nukezone for the photo!)